I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
