She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
