so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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