"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
