I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
