sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
