have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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