Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
