So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
