Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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