just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
