So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
