it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
