Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
