Betty ford says i'm here all night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize