I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
