Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
