I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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