everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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