walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just invented taco cereal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
