Don't make out with my wife yet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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