hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
