if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize