I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize