she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
