Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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