I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize