no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
