I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
