if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
