She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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