Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
