Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
