Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
