tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
