He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
