Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
