Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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