i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
