Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
a search helicopter?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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