Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this is an emotional support booty call
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
