are you still at the devil's house?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
