Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
