That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
