ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
