Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
