I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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