there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
