I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
