The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
