I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
