You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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