I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize