I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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