Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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