You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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