I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
