Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
