Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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