Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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