YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
