why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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