Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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