just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
