just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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