I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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