Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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