i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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