Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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