I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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