If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
