Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
