His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize