I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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