I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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