I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
