from now on my penis is your penis
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
