Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize