So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
