Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
