dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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