I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
