As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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