No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
