wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
