you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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