I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize