Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
