Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize