This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
