i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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