You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
