i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
