Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
