I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
