So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
