All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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