yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
