Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
