zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
