my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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