i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
