He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
